I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
