is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
