Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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