dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
