my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
