Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
