Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
