dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
