It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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