Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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