she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
