I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
