the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
