He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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