just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
