My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
