Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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