he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
