I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
