Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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