I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
