I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
