gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
