there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
