I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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