Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
