I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
