um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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