Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
