i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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