Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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