She is in my trunk
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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