dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
