Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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