Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
