if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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