EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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