I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
