There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
