I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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