i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
