My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My vagina just recognized that song.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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