I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
