I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
