Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
