i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
