it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
