What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
As shirtless as possible
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
