i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
