Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You need Xanax blowdarts
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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