When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
